Have you ever found yourself regretting going to sleep the night before because your subconscious took you on a roller coaster ride during your "slumber" time?
Both have happened to me over the past two nights and I am thinking God might be trying to "awaken" me to a better night time ritual.
In the past, usually in January, I had set a goal to read the entire Bible in the year. I would be gung-ho, like most are about their new improved perspective. Of course, I would get to the prophets and the begats and the finger shaking about God's law and that book on the bedside table would become more enticing with each passing night. Eventually, I would opt to read about an author's fictitious rendering of someone else's life than about the lives of our Fathers and our Father's life for us.
Until... my life went up in smoke and the only thing that seemed to offer me any reprieve was reading God's Word from cover to cover. I find it interesting that it took facing a failed marriage to give me the complete drive to delve into the Word and find a way to make it breathe for me. God was very faithful and He opened my eyes with each turn of the page. He introduced me to author's who had a gift with words and provided different perspectives about the Word. He gave me the desire to "rest" in His Word and to wake praising Him.
It was a good practice that taught me to wait, listen and seek.
As mentioned in an earlier posting, my relationship with the One who loves us most has changed over the past three years. No longer living in a state of constant desperation, it has become easier to embrace old behaviors. Reading the Word before I close my eyes is not my first choice. Praising Him as I awake is not my first course of action. And now I am dreaming about make-believe characters and facing a second divorce grounded in betrayal.
Augh!
Who needs that?
I mentioned something to this effect to my counselor the other day. She reminded me of the 30 second rule. If something haunts you or triggers a memory that weakens your knees, turn away from it. Physically and mentally turn away from it. Don't ruminate in the pain or anger no matter how justified you might be. Take the thought in an entirely different direction. The trick is, you have to have a plan of action in place well before you face another mental battle.
So, when I am awake and my mind wonders to a period in my life that makes me feel less than good, I have a plan. I mentally see the village of Ephraim and sing a praise song. I have had to use the strategy three times today. Sometimes, I had to sing the song three times, but it worked.
As far as yanking my subconscious back from the enemy while I am sleeping, the Bible is the first book I see as I crawl into bed and the Word will be the last thing I see before the eyelids droop. In addition, the final prayer I will whisper before I am no longer conscious of striving to get to lala land is, "Lord, take control of my subconscious mind. Teach me, guide me and show me your love while I slumber. Create a barrier against the enemy." I used this prayer every night for three years when I was fighting to move a broken thing to a place of healing. It really worked. My marriage did not benefit from any repairs, but I sure have. I have no idea why I chose to stop the ritual, but it is coming back for a command performance!
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